By Annie Cruz
Vivid Radio Host / Hip-HopVibe.com Contributing Writer
One of the biggest reasons why people have approach anxiety is the fear of rejection. The more you dwell on it, the bigger the anxiety becomes. If you take it personally, you’ll likely become obsessed with the thought, “What’s wrong with me?” When one learns how to overcome it, they no longer have to fear it. So how do you overcome it?
DON’T TAKE IT PERSONALLY
I had a student, who just could not take no for an answer. It didn’t matter the venue or the time of day, if a woman rejected his approach, he would throw tantrums like a little boy. And here’s the thing – they weren’t rejecting him as a person; they were rejecting his approach. How can they reject him if they don’t actually know him? One brief interaction is not enough for anyone to decide fully whether or not they like the person. People judge each other within the first 5 seconds of meeting each other. That’s all it takes for someone to reject another based on their first impression. You can’t justify rejection to being personal because of this. All of that aside, there are several other reasons why a woman can be quick to reject someone that could have absolutely nothing to do with you at all. She could be on her period, be a gay, her dog might have just died, she might have a boyfriend, or she might just be having a horrible day. You don’t know what she may be going through, so you shouldn’t take it personally. Eject from the situation and simply move on.
OVERCOME FEAR
If you’re not approaching enough women per week, you can’t expect yourself to grow numb to rejection. Practice makes perfect. You have to approach, approach, approach. Sure, you’ll probably experience a lot of rejections in the process, but over time as you get used to it, it won’t phase you as much. That’s what you want – to not let rejection bother you. Once you get used to it, it just won’t bother you anymore. Like a bird, you gotta let it just roll off your feathers.
MOVE FORWARD
When you start to over analyze why you just got rejected by someone, you’re increasing your approach anxiety. When you bring her down to make yourself feel better, you just look like a fool. Example: Guy approaches girl and tells her she’s beautiful. She thanks him and kindly declines his offer to buy her a drink. Instead of walking away and taking the rejection, he reverts what he just said, saying, “Well, you’re not that pretty anyway.” This is very common with lots of guys, who can’t handle rejection.
“F*ck you, you’re ugly anyway!”
“Just 2 seconds ago, I was the sexiest girl in the world you’ve ever seen.”
All this does is speak volumes of you as a person, and it’s infantile. So what exactly is the best way to deal with rejection? Move on to the next! Find another woman in the room to approach and just keep it going. Dwelling over one rejection will put you in a negative headspace. Besides, wouldn’t you rather that one that just rejected you watch you smoothly move on from her onto another with such confidence? It’s better than throwing a fit and calling her names because you didn’t get what you want. And who knows? Watching you take her rejection in stride will more than likely make her second guess her decision after she sees you having a good time with other people.
Catch Annie Cruz on Vivid Radio, Sirius XM channel 415 hosting “The Dirtiest Girl in the World” from 1:00 to 2:00 pm and on VividRadio.com.
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